This Sucks - MS 101

A place to vent -- both the good and bad -- in coping with this life altering disease.

Friday, October 07, 2005

sry guys!!!

(10/03/05) Hey ok I had a good night on sat. to celebrate my 21st b day got tipsy had a good night still hurting from it tho but not as bad as others told me I might... so its all good..... now im all sad cuz everyday that goes by its closer to me having to leave :( I don’t wanna go back to mom’s I feel like I have no home feel like when im here everyone treats me like im visiting and when I go to moms I cant get close to anyone cuz I don’t wanna.... I just wish I had a place to call home I wish that I could stay in one place.... don’t get me wroung I want to be with mom when I have my chemo. treatment that shit is scary and makes me sick for like 2 weeks...... but I just wish I didnt have to go so far away from what I call home ....its sad cuz I call were im at now home but the people that I live with just concider me to be "visiting" makes me feel like an unwanted outsider don’t know why it just does. I feel like I have nothing to talk with my "best" friend but past things cuz she don’t know what to say about my ms and I don’t know what to say to her about all that she has to do and go threw.... I try but its like she don’t wanna talk to me... I wish she would tho it would make me feel like Im here trying to be the friend that she needs .. Ya know I don’t know so if yall do maybe ya can help me out lol... im all confused and sad and uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh..... I told my mom today that I just wanna give up all together say fuck it....(I wont but I feel like doing it) well my head hurts so..... night

(10/05/05) Ok I went to a house with internet tonight and tried to get to the dashboard so I could post my last post but something was wrong with the site... so im sry... ill try again next time...
Anyway, I haven’t been having the "greatest" of days but they have been ok I guess. Im getting sadder as each day passes mom thinks I need to talk to my pcp here about putting me on some antidepressants I don’t know I just feel like me and my friend have nothing to talk about cuz she don’t know what to say and I try but all I get is a blank stare frustrating at times but I love her I guess I either got to say nothing or keep trying to pull conversation out of her it’s all frustrating. I know shes got a lot on her mind any maybe she just don’t need me on it to ya know? Oh well but like mom said it’s prob just me! Ugh damn these wholes in my brain lol !!!! ok well night ...


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